apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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