I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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