i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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