Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
