Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize