I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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