it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
