so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
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please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
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I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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