i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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