Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
