I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
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I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
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If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
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