she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
