By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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