if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
