Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
