I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
areolas are like halos for boobs.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
