oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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