My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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