oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I came so hard my ears popped.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
