Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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