We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
