forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
They are going to name an STD after you.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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