You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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