I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
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As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
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I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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