I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
