Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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