So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
