i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Randomize
