I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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