well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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