Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Someone signed my nipple.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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