well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
