If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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