I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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