After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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