I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
zippers are such a cool invention
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
