literally had 100 drinks last night.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
