Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
