Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
