I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Someone came in the potted fern
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
