you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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