I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
