Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
