i need an iv and a liver transplant
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
