You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
