I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
