And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
