none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
