He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
