I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
