the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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