Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
