I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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