One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
