our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
