Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize