I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
