my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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