just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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