Me. At least after what I've been through.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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