just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
