Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
