So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
