I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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