what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
