I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
