I didn't shave. On purpose
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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