I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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