I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
