im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
