I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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